And We Pause...
I’m sure you know this feeling. You’re going along, things seem to be going exactly the way you want or need them to. It feels like God is lining up everything, and that it’s falling into place perfectly. You’re where you need to be. Then, full stop, like a slammed break everything comes to a screeching halt. It’s jarring.
We were given that moment a few weeks ago. I mean I said this would be an experiment, and apparently this is a story and process God wanted me to share. For us it came in the form of a job, our means to go where God is calling us. Everything was happening, full tilt. It seemed like it was simply sign on the dotted line, but…
That isn’t what is happening. The job didn’t fall through, it just wasn’t the best decision for our family. It's almost like a choose your own adventure. We can go, it will feel rushed and we’ll be met with significant challenges, but we know God can and will provide. Or, we can pause, take it in, breathe deeply and pause. Younger me would have taken the leap feeling pressure to perform, get it right, and jump at the first possibility. But doing life with God a little longer, I’ve learned to pause when things hit a speed bump. This time it isn’t a yes or a no from God. It’s a lean in, listen, sit with me. The speed bump beckons toward intimacy.
Either choice feels like an invitation to trust, either for God to come through for us wildly or for us to slow down, go at a pace that feels good to our souls and partner with him in the process. I think there’s merit in both. I know God will provide in both, but there’s a gentleness to option 2, a kindness. It also feels like an invitation toward a deepening maturity in God, in our marriage, and as individuals. Option 2 feels like it honors the people around us, and gives us space to breathe.
So we pushed pause on leaping. We’re approaching the pause actively. I’m pivoting from being a full-time stay-at-home homeschooling mom and adding to the fullness of life, with a new practice and this blog. There are things that I’ve been longing for and things God has told me to do.
This pause offers time and margin to obey. And also, in the midst, God is telling me to release my understanding of margin, that what I’ve known is not available right now. The fullness needs to take up the space that I was using lackadaisically. And yet, that pivot or some might say loss is met with his other words, “I will give you everything you need.” That’s all I need to know. If you’ve got me Lord, let’s do this!
God is in the pauses as much as he’s in the leaps. Our goal is to obey and draw closer to him. He is the prize we are seeking. So here’s to unexpected pivots (insert Ross Gellar’s voice here), to following God wherever he leads, and to knowing no matter how messy the journey he will always provide.
